Friday, 20 December 2013

Space Dude by Jann Jeter @Hasty_Post

“Come on Dude, quit fiddlin’ with the controls. We’re not gonna get there any faster.” said the co-pilot with his Earth-side British Isles accent. His name was Thippeswamy Maxwell Dillon, but for obvious reasons he goes by ‘Thipp’. His parents had named him after an Indian friend, a gynecologist and a sheriff from a long ago earth vid.
“Yeah, sure. Who knows what’s  gonna happen when I punch any of these buttons. We could wind up blowin’ this thing up or ending up in a different dimension or time or something. I should just give up tryin’ to get this crate to move at any speed resembling fast,” the pilot grumbled with a frustrated sigh.
Harry Holman Gordon, more commonly known as ‘Dude’, ‘Dood’, ‘Space Boy’, ‘SD’ or ‘Space Dude’, reached for a bag of potato chips in a plain white generic-looking bag sitting on the dashboard of the craft. He leaned back in the captain’s chair and began munching on the chips.
“Ya know, I wish we’d been able to pick up more of these chips over on Qolk. They’re pretty good considering the ‘use-by’ date was 15 years ago,” Dude remarked in between his chips. For a big man he was considerably dainty in that he only picked up one chip at a time out of the bag. Of course, he went back in to the bag 20 times before finally folding the top down and putting the bag on the dashboard again.
Thipp snapped his head around to stare at his captain. “Dude – you bought all they had! Fifty Cases! We still have 39 cases left in the cargo bay! How could you possibly want more?”  Thipp’s voice began to rise in volume and made Dude turn to look at his co-pilot.
“Hey, man, a good deal is a good deal, no matter what. Besides, it’s not like we don’t have the room. There’s hardly anything down there right now.”  Dude said as he shrugged and reached for the bag again. He picked another single chip out of the bag, folded the top down and put it back on the dash.
Thipp continued to look at him and one eyebrow shot nearly to the tattered roof lining of the vessel. “You’re joking – right?  I mean seriously joking?  Have you even bothered to check out what we DO have in the cargo bay?”
Dude looked over at him with a brief, confused flash of his eyes.
“Ummm. Well, actually, I was thinking about going down there, but what with the Ionians attacking the ship and – Man – they were really SHOOTING at us – did you see that??  Like real lasers, man! They just barely missed the back window and I would really hate to lose that Kesey quote. He’s like my idol, man. Seriously….”
“Dude! You haven’t been in the bay since before we got attacked?”  Thipp asked in a tone not quite verging on icy, “YOU haven’t even gone down there for a single minute to make sure your precious potato chips are still there?  What if I told you I had to dump them back on Ion to lighten the load so we could get the heck outta there???”
Dude got a panicked look on his face and began to sputter, “Man. Oh, man! Don’t tell me you really dumped my chips!  You wouldn’t do that to me, would ya?  You’re a piece of work, Thipp – you are a mean son of a gun if you’d dump my chips! They don’t weigh that much anyway!” He briefly shook his curly head and looked straight ahead.
Thipp looked back at Space Dude with a somber look that said ‘You are on my last nerve’ but then suddenly grinned. “Okay, put this barge on auto pilot and let’s go check it out!”
Dude considered it for just a second and then shrugged his shoulders. “Sure. No time like the present – right?”

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Genre - Space, Fantasy
Rating – PG
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